ah no.

Hello brand new attitude. Bye bye silly overpowering boy.

OMG I'VE GOT IT

I know exactly what im going to do.

Perfect.

What im going to do is pretty much doing nothing.

Done deal.

That was us on saturday night. Makes me feel pathetic for letting you hug me. The next time is see you. I wont see you, i will turn away.

I miss you which is bullshit. You dont deserve to be missed because you cause too much shit.

And I can't think of anybody else who I hate to miss as much as I hate missing you.

Moments in time when I’m reminded of you paralyze me. And seeing you is like missing the last step on a very steep flight of stairs.

Your very existence fucks me off.

i love the way you lie.

no i don't, i fucking hate it.

The new "fling"

This new "fling" of his is a sluttier younger version of me.

You win.

I saw him.

So he came around last week. We hung out. He played with me. Made me smile. Told me jokes. Made me laugh. Hugged me. Looked lovingly into my eyes. Held me. Made me remember the him that i love. Brung back memories. Touched me. Kissed me. Left me. Text me. Got angry at me. Lead me on. Text other girls. Hung with other girls. Didnt talk to me. Fully gone.

Yes all this did happen in four days. And no im not hurt. It just shows me that he wants to keep me there so that i dont go getting with other people or something along those lines.

Do i love him? Yes

Am i in love with him? No

Why? Because im in love with the old him...the person he is today means nothing to me. He use to stay in on weekends and just chill, now hes out driving with his mates and other girls going out to parties every single weekend. He use to treat me with respect. Now he lies to my face and makes me feel small. I dont deserve that. He use to go for girls like me? Now hes going for easy "sluts" and young girls. Can you see what im talking about?

Do i miss him? Yes

Much? Very often. But then i wake myself up from my little dream and remember hes not that person anymore.

Does hearing about him with other girls hurt me? To be honest not really? Only a bit. The reason it doesnt hurt is because he is texting up slutty girls. They arent to a high standard at all. They are just easy. The girls he is "getting into" are actually asking him if hes wanting a girlfriend? So if he does actually go out with them i will laugh. Because that was one reason why we broke up. Because he needed to be a boy and didnt want to be tied down.

One day this boy will hopefully wake up and realise how stupid he looks and what a mistake it was letting me go. If he does realise...it will all be too late and i wont want a bar of him.

Silly boys eh?

wanting you.

I have been actually craving you. Every since i saw you on sunday your the only thing ive been thinking about...you honestly havent left my mind.

Can i please have a hug. I want you to come here and hug me. You use to be the person who would say everythings going to be okay and you would hold me until the tears stopped falling. The tears are falling and your not here to catch them.

I miss you.

Will you ever turn around and say that you love me again? Why do i have a funny feeling that your 100% okay?

Getting over you sucks. Because its impossible.

I don't know what to do anymore. Life seems like a series of infinite nothings. It's not that I'm unhappy. I'm just lost.

"stay"- Miley Cyrus Lyrics

Well it's good to hear your voice
I hope you're doing fine
And if you ever wonder
I'm lonely here tonight

I'm lost here in this moment
And time keeps slipping by
And if I could have just one wish
I'd have you by my side

Oh, ho, I miss you
Oh, ho, I need you

And I love you more
Than I did before
And then today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed
No one could take your place
It gets harder every day
Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry it's this way
But I'm coming home
I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay
I will stay

Well I try to live without you
But tears fall from my eyes
I'm alone and I feel empty
God, I'm torn apart inside
I look up at the stars
Hoping you're doing the same
And somehow I feel closer
And I can hear you say

Oh, ho, I miss you
Oh, ho, I need you

I love you more
Than I did before
And then today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed
No one could take your place
It gets harder every day
Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay

I will stay
Always stay
I never want to lose you
And if I had to, I would choose you
So stay
Please always stay
You're the one that I hold on to
Cause my heart would stop without you

I love you more
Than I did before
And then today I don't see your face
Nothing's changed
No one could take your place
It gets harder every day
Say you love me more than you did before
And I'm sorry that it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask me I will stay
I will stay
I'll always stay

And I love you more than I did before
And I'm sorry that it's this way
But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home
And if you ask, I will stay
I will stay
I will stay

Last night.

If we arent going out then theres just continual drama. We both get upset over other people. Mum said its the protective and possessive side of both of us coming out. It sucks. Because i dont want to lose you completely but maybe ill have to if i want to move on and be strong again? I still want at least some sort of friendship even though thats almost impossible. Im okay until i see you. Then all my strength melts and my heart sits on my sleeve. I wanted nothing more than to kiss you and for you to hold me again, tears pour down my face as i write this thinking of you, us, and what use to be. This sounds stupid and i bet you think of get over yourself but its not that easy and im sorry if you think its dramatic but my heart is broken and picking up the pieces alone is hard. Comparing you to every boy that tries to get close to me and no ones even close.

Why are so you unique? Why is getting over you the rockiest road ive ever been down?

"half of my heart has a grip on the situation, but half of my heart will forever love you"

why are males so pathetic. ugh.

beautiful.

It is very simple, you getup, you go, you do, yousee, you put one foot infront of the other andalong the way you do yourvery best to enjoy it.

Im okay, hes okay...This is good :) haha he told me and his mate that me and him are going to get married... the funny thing is i can actually imagine it! lol! We need our space and time to grow then maybe in time if its meant to be it will be.

Gah i love that kid! Good shit :)

"once you party with us, you'll be falling in love!" - California Girls

Now I know we said thingsDid thingsThat we didn't meanAnd we fall backInto the same patternsSame routineBut your temper's just as badAs mine isYou're the same as meBut when it comes to loveYou're just as blinded

Love is always a good thing, no matter how much it hurts. Even after it's over, even through the pain,anyone who has ever really loved will tell you that they never regretted a second of it, no matter howmuch it hurt in the end. And if you tell me differently, I will tell you that you were not truly in love.